My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
