Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
