hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
someone owes me an orgasm
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
