Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
