I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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