I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
