I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
