Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
