Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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