i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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