She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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