My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
