He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
