I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cut my penus on the lid.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
