margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
