She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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