Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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