i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
