I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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