You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
