I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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