You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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