You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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