god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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