Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
