i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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