Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
