Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
