I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
