That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
