Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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