Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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