My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
