Umm I'm too high to move.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
