I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
