new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
