a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
