i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
