This girl is more easily done than said...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
