stop calling my apartment porn island.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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