I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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