i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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