then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
