god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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