he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
