Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
