One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
