Can i not drive my cunt home
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
