"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
