can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
