Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
