his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
