Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
